Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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