You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
