Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize