Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
