Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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