I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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