mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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