We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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