did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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