she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
