i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
