Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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