it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
