You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
