Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
