addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize
