I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
