i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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