My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
