I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
