You made me cry and you don't even care
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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