so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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