as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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