So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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