Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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