I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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