Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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