Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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