Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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