HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
