Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
