if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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