is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize