the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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