I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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