i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She needs sedatives and a leash
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize