i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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