Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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