I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
