i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
