You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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