I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
