Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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