Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
