Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
