You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
