My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
