I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
