Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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