What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I need to sanitize my soul.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
