I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
