Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
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