I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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