i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Let's get the cat blown out
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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