i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
