I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
