So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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