Don't make out with my wife yet
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize