Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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