Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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