I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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