i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
