I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
