Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
