i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
