1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
