and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
