Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize