he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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