Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
