just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
