seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
