I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize