at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
