I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
