I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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