I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize