Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize