found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
