i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
