Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Green mimosas i think yes
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
