I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
