Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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