I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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