If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
COCAINE IS GR8
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
