I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
