next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
