I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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