look no pants
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
