soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize