we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
