Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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