oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
