i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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