I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
