this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
