Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
