Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. ðŸ˜
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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