mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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