Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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