We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
